There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
