You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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