I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
