sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
