You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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