he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
