You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
