she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You are a genius and a whore.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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