I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
