I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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