My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
