i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
