my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
