She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
