And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize