Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
