my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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