Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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