i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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