I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize