My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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