I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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