your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
