So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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