I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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