It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
