I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
