I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I bet he comes in French.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
