So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
