Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
