I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
