He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
