I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
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