Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
