Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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