Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
whose parrot is this?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
