Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
