she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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