hotel room ftw
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Shame - the story of my life.
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