Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
