Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
