She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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