i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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