got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
