She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
