mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
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