He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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