I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
