She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
