I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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