we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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