Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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