So drunk its hurt
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
