p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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