dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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