Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
