I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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