just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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