sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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