Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
