the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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