Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
