Already got asked if we're dating
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
