This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
