Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We have started to decorate penises.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
