I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
