erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
