Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize