Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
