Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
