Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
