We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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