just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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