Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
