i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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