i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
