I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
