haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
