Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize