I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
